my life has decided to get even more complex than it already was.....
i was talking to a close friend before and i came to the realisation that i've had far too much emotional turmoil in the past year and it is time to let it rest. 6 failed attempts.... not 1 or 2 but 6 - isn't that just absurd?? i've never felt as down as i do at the moment. i think it's finally all caught up with me
so in conclusion i've decided not to try the "dating" thing for quite some time and hope that my life will settle into some form of ... i don't even know what i'm saying anymore - isn't just wonderful when everything that was going so well disappears in the blink of an eye turns and turns into utter crap??
now i'm rambling..... but i feel the need to ramble - it helps eleaveate {not that i can be bothered even fixing that word} the emptiness now filling my soul
i should end the crappiness one way or another - either continue hopelessly to find my mr right instead of mr right now.... or just give up hope completely and turn myself into a hermit like the one i was in attila - tho even saying that, i had friends there..... friends are important i think - they are what helps you stay strong when it is so tempting to just give up all essence of hope and curl up into a corner or worse still......believe me i've been in the latter stage a few times before and it isn't the most pleasant of places to be. as tempting as it is to fall back into the dungeons of my mind, i think i'm worth more than that as a person..... i want to be remembered as a person who didn't give up hope though as tempting as it seemed at the time and one who lived through emotional hardships rather than the one who's found in a room covered in blood or scrapped of the side of the road...... it really is so tempting to do.... more tempting than i can ignore...... but i know i have to find the courage somewhere within me to keep going
the twisted ramblings of my mind have come to an end.........................but not for long i am sure